a convenient part of insomnia is that posts start writing themselves in my head

It has just occurred to me that probably part of the reason "I just have a lot of feelings" has become a mantra of this journal, and indeed, my life, is that interacting with the rest of the world has often made me feel (...) like I wasn't feeling enough. [I expect I am not alone in this. Just, er, also not with most people I've ever met. Different strokes, whatevs, I hope we can all learn to live in peace and non-judgmental harmony in our various states of ~emotion & tear duct usage.]

I just finished Mira Grant's Feed, which is truly a great read. It's about politics, and zombies, and disease, and internerds. I recommend it! May soon be tweeting Simon Pegg & Edgar Wright level recommend it! And, as you might guess from the subject matter, some rough shit happens. So on I frolic to her questions-from-the-audience post, and am promptly taken aback by the number of people upset by said rough shit.

Wait, people were crying? I... I enjoyed that part. And the thing is, this is such a familiar sensation -- from the moment Chrissy walked up to me in 7th grade P.E. and said "Did you see The X-Files last night? Mulder died! I cried so much!" as I scoffed, through dozens of run-ins with real friends and fandom, up through last week when we left Toy Story 3 -- that uncomfortable knowledge I had, even as a child, of some cynical fourth-walled remove between me and whatever it was other people didn't, the wondering if there is something wrong with me*, and (as I grew older) the inevitable feeling of defensiveness that followed.

( ;__________; or not )