Amy Ponds of the 99% (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
allchildren) wrote2010-07-04 05:47 am
allchildren) wrote2010-07-04 05:47 am
note to self: get a grip
I'm in a bad headspace for the internet right now, I think, is what it comes down to. There has been so much rage-inducing fail lately (not just VVC.) and I have a tendency to hang myself out on a line between what I see as the heart of this journal (that it is a journal, primarily for working my thoughts on Whatever the Hell, and secondarily for connecting with people) and what I always think will be easy -- I'll just make a quick note about this here issue, be it political or fictional, and signalboost a few links -- and never is. I mean, not just because I don't think my version of "making a quick note" adds anything to any discussion, especially the ones that matter, but also just because when I post for the benefit of trying to be informative or entertaining to others or somehow checking a box, I dilute the purpose of the journal. I mean. I hope you like it! But what has enabled me to produce any readable content whatsoever since moving to DW has been the realization that in addition to being my own worst critic, I am also my own best audience. Here's what I've found: single-purpose internet venues suit me much better. I can drop recs on delicious and I don't have to worry about if other people liked them. I can post fic in AO3 and not feel like I have to look at my entire circle as people who might comment oh god why aren't they commenting my life is a shaaaam. I can be shiny and artsy and ephemeral on Tumblr. I can share the shit out of feminist, social justice, and pop culture bloggery on Google Reader, which is where I also comment on it if I have a "quick note" length of a thing to say.
And Dreamwidth has to be my space for verbal expression, about anything but most probably my relationship with fiction and I'm guessing there might be some gender stuff on the horizon, because I need it and paper journaling doesn't work for me right now. It's not private; it's just personal. I can't be choking myself on the anxieties of feedback and utility and fitting in, however Anxiety Brain chooses to interpret that today.
More than anything this is a reminder to myself. It's not going to solve my bad internet headspace and it might not resolve my recent issue of "too many thoughts that I can't express," but I felt that way in my stultified LJ days so often and I need to be able to tell myself: this is my space for an open inward dialogue. It doesn't have to be any other way.
And Dreamwidth has to be my space for verbal expression, about anything but most probably my relationship with fiction and I'm guessing there might be some gender stuff on the horizon, because I need it and paper journaling doesn't work for me right now. It's not private; it's just personal. I can't be choking myself on the anxieties of feedback and utility and fitting in, however Anxiety Brain chooses to interpret that today.
More than anything this is a reminder to myself. It's not going to solve my bad internet headspace and it might not resolve my recent issue of "too many thoughts that I can't express," but I felt that way in my stultified LJ days so often and I need to be able to tell myself: this is my space for an open inward dialogue. It doesn't have to be any other way.
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