allchildren: joan holloway rubbing her shoulder (⚥ the hindrance and the weight)
Amy Ponds of the 99% ([personal profile] allchildren) wrote2010-12-31 05:23 pm
Entry tags:

we're living in bungalows now.

Slightly different version (courtesy of Rorie), but this is still my seventh one.

2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Sustained adult coexistence with my sister. Temp. Shared my bedroom with a long-term guest. Take SSRIs. Have many anxiety attacks?

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't know if I made any. I was pretty sick around New Year's, and also my memory doesn't work anymore, so... let's just assume I didn't. I think I made a birthday resolution, to read moar, which I did.
My 2011 NYR is to master poached eggs. (See today's tweets.) Also I would like to learn to cook Thai food.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
[personal profile] penmage, who I first met online in the freaking NINETIES, and my kinda-friend Joyce. My cousin Jessica and famfriend Kristina are both pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. Which countries did you visit?
Just this one :( I thought very seriously about going to Australia, but ultimately decided it wasn't the right time.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
My own place that I am the boss of, a job in a field I care about, an ADD diagnosis/treatment.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 18th - the day Carrie arrived!
November 3 - a million (literally) people flood the streets of San Francisco in black and orange. I am one of them!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Dragged myself through the long purgatory of the health system seeking help and didn't stop till I got some. Never once lost my temper with my sister. Enabled Carrie's move!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Durr. How to quantify? I seriously spent the first half of the year being a gibbering mess, but I'm not interested in self-recrimination over mental illness. I think my real failure was in expecting too much of other people and offered solutions, rather than putting that energy towards pushing myself. The fact that I couldn't bridge the gap didn't mean they could or would, either, and it's my habit to get mad and try to change people when the only person I can change is myself.

I had so many thoughts, too, that I failed to put to words.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Severe anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia! Woo! I have also been full of aches and pains pretty constantly and in fall developed serious wrist/hand pain.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My (third) tattoo, a single black feather on my upper right back done by Shannon Archuleta.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
All my friends who put up with me, went places with me, gave me rides, humored me, loaned me books, understood when I had to cancel, and were generally rad. Special shout out to my chauffeur Carrie, and everybody who commented on my filtered posts even though I could almost never bring myself to reply.
Dr. H and my therapist.

My parents tried, sometimes.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Dr. W was the worst and after she refused to consider me for ADD and forced me to take a tox screen because the only other explanation was that I was on drugs and lying about it -- fuck her and her dismissive ableist bullshit.

My parents didn't always try. Also, my sister, blargh.

14. Where did most of your money go?
It's hard to say, but there it went.

15. What were you really, really, really excited about?
Telephone, The Runaways, HIPSTER WHOOOOO, Black Swan, my Yuletide assignments, but most of all: #SFGiants!!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Uh, probably "Telephone." "Middle Cyclone" by Neko Case. "Fembot" by Robyn. Probably "Monster" by Nicki Minaj Kanye West. A lot of Janelle Monae and a lot of Arcade Fire.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?


b) Bigger or smaller?

About the same?

c) Richer or poorer?

Maybe a little poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing, reading, career stuff.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Having anxiety attacks and being unable to get out of bed. You know. I GUESS. Also, wasting time on solutions that weren't solutions.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I hung out with my family and briefly Carrie, rewatched Game 5 of the World Series, ate a nommy dinner.

21. What was your favourite month of 2010?
Maybe August or September.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Possibly with Matt Smith's face.

23. What was your favourite TV programme?
HIPSTER WHOOOOO. Also Parks and Recreation!! and I've just discovered Nikita, which is my new Xena. <3__<3

24. How did you see in the New Year?
I was ill and flopped on the couch with Ariel eating cheese and watching Survivors. Around 4 am we had a toothbrushing party!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Dr. W.

26. What was the best book you read?
Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimimanda Aidiche, Whipping Girl by Julia Serano, Feed by Mira Grant, The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin, The Facts and Fictions of Minna Pratt by Patricia MacLachlan. It was a pretty good year for books! Also I only read stuff by ladies, woo.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

28. What did you want and get?
To see SF Ballet's Swan Lake, antidepressents FINALLY, Amy Pond to be a real girl, my feather tattoo, to see the Weezer play Pinkerton live, a Pablo Sandoval bobblehead and Buster Posey shirt, GIANTS GIANTS GIANTS GIANTS. Giants Giants. A Yuletide assignment that would allow me to think about the things I want to think about. And yesterday I bought a dress!!

29. What did you want and not get?
To see King Tut's mask (went to the Treasures of Tutankhamun exhibit and it was fine but NO MASK!!!! I was hilariously betrayed, THE MASK WAS THE COVER OF THE FUCKING BROCHURE), mental health diagnosis, moving to San Francisco, energy and organization. Yellow tights.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
The Runaways, Black Swan, Tangled, True Grit. But probably really Tangled.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Ariel took me to see Waking Sleeping Beauty in the city. We also ate Indian food.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Mental health would have been great.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
While I haven't abandoned "Joan Holloway meets Regine Chassagne," this year I expanded that to include Amy Pond. AND ESCHEWED PANTS SO HARD.

34. What kept you sane?

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
THE GIANTS especially Timmy and Buster, Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Donald Glover, Kristen Stewart.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Colonialism, intersectional feminism, media representation, and I also got very interested in disability discourse.

37. Who did you miss?
TJ forever.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My coworker Alexis! And of course Carrie and Meredith, although neither was new to me.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
The Giants won the World Series.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

and I hate the sight of that empty air,
like stepping for a missing stair
and falling forth forever blindly
cannot grab hold of anything, no, not I
most blessed among colleens


I am without words
he says, "my lady looks perturbed.
The light is in your eyes, Colleen."
I said, "Whatever can you mean?"
he leaned over and said,
"You ain't forgotten everything."

Joanna Newsom's "Colleen" which I love so much it hurts.

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