allchildren: kay eiffel's face meets the typewriter (▭ death and texas)
Amy Ponds of the 99% ([personal profile] allchildren) wrote2015-12-31 01:04 pm
Entry tags:

when you knock me down

I did this meme every year for a decade. Then, for no particular reason, I skipped last year. It had been a big couple of months for me and I just wanted to rest. Too bad, though, since I had the perfect "song that sums up your year" picked out, as I often do think about what my answers will be to this survey as the year rolls along.

That 2014 song:

I wish every holiday only took an hour
that I'm not just like the people I resent
I wish one day I could truly be empowered
to say exactly what it is I meant

all I have -- it's in abundance --
is my perpetual redundance
it's hard for me to say
I face it every day

learn it all again tomorrow
learn it all again tomorrow


- Ben and Ellen Harper, Learn It All Again Tomorrow

And I did.


1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before? Went to a women's college. Took out student loans. Went to classes where I was at least 10 years older than the majority of my classmates. Got a phonecall telling me a loved one had cancer. Emptied a catheter. Administered morphine. Arranged a cremation. Planned a memorial service. Drove from Pittsburgh to Grand Rapids to California, all with a cat in the backseat. Met with lawyers and mortgage lenders. Learned how to use all kinds of tools.

Watched someone die. Held my family together.

...also, I read romance novels, played DND, and real live video games for the first time! So those parts were fun.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think I wanted to write more, and draw more, and I did write some unfinished fic, but did not actually publish any more than usual.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I'm 31 everyone I know is having babies. No one very close to me.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My dad.

5. Which countries did you visit? D E S PA I R

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015? wow, uh..... ..... not that ^

7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? April 29th. Dad died. May 9th. Dad's memorial party.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Frankly, you know, I survived it. And I did like 95% of the logistical, financial, administrative work. And I organized the memorial fund that really helped us get through the initial blow. Painted my dang room. Helped mom. Did not murder sister.

9. What was your biggest failure? Did not finish sending thank you cards. Also, like, had to drop out of school for the ninetieth time, en bee dee, el oh el. Have completely failed at emotionally processing any of this shit. Had to leave Minette alone in Pittsburgh for six weeks :(

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? oH ha ha yes I also had a mystery virus whose origins and limitations remain unknown

11. What was the best thing you bought? ........................... Minette's Car-go kitty tent for the journey home. If you have to take your cat on a road trip, I recommend it! Also, IDK, Portal.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? So many amazing people who donated to the fund, sent me tweets and cute pics and cookies and books, looked after my cat while I was gone, helped me move even after I was gone, shipped themselves and my shit across the country for me, or were just in general my friends.

Also, the fireman who climbed a ladder at 2 am on New Year's Day to break into my apartment for me so I could get back in because I had left my keys in the car of a stranger on the way home from a NYE party. That was good.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Just a few people whose resounding silence and lack of showing up spoke more loudly than any words. My fucking landlord. When I looked up, there were gun lovers and cowardly politicians and police and White People.

14. Where did most of your money go? ugh. credit cards.

15. What were you really, really, really excited about? ummmmm

I actually did complete most of a semester of school before getting the cancer call the Thursday night of finals! I got three As. including in stats. I got to tell my dad that.

16. What song will always remind you of 2015? uhhhhhh. Probably the songs I most associate with dad's demise, which were on his memorial party playlist: Keep Me In Your Heart For a While, Warren Zevon. Brilliant Mistake, Elvis Costello. Manic Depression, Jimi Hendrix. Burning Love, Elvis Presley.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?
sadder
b) Bigger or smaller? bigger
c) Richer or poorer? poorer

CHECK

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? emotionally processing? ?????????????? is it weird to wish you had spent more time crying

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? having to save the goddamn world

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it at home with mom and sister.

21. What was your favorite month of 2015?
Fuck a butt, man. February?

22. Did you fall in love in 2015?
Secretly, possibly maybe.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Steven Universe. Oh that was a thing I got real excited about. I am made of love.

24. How did you see in the New Year?
Was at the aforementioned new year's eve party, and it was real fun, and I wish I could be at the followup tonight.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I've lost some friends. I really...really...hate cancer.

26. What was the best book you read?
 My favorite was Uprooted, Naomi Novik. Honorable mentions: Book of a Thousand Days, Shannon Hale; Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Becky Albertalli; Between the World and Me, Ta-Nehesi Coates; I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou; Born Confused, Tanuja Desai Hidier.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hamilton ofc

28. What did you want and get?
An A in stats, a room of my own, many audiobooks

29. What did you want and not get? Fun. Health. Relaxation. A harmonious household. The opposite of cancer.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
literally did not see a single new movie this year I'm sorry but did you see the year I've had. Last night I netflix watched the documentary Tig. You should watch it too.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
I was frantically trying to write an outline for my geology research paper, then went to dinner at Harris Grill with Tropie and Carrie and Fancyman. It was nice.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? shhhh

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015?
floppy tops plus leggings, tights, or jeans.

34. What kept you sane? Stories. Effexor. Face.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Lin-Manuel Miranda n Daveed Diggs et al

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
guns and police

37. Who did you miss? Dad. Yinz.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Alex and Wyn and Alex and Gen

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015. GO TO THE GODDAMN DOCTOR

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"We in the shit now, somebody's gotta shovel it."
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (Default)

[personal profile] aphrodite_mine 2016-01-02 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs you* feeling things is SO HARD especially when you are DEEP IN LIFE and trying to keep moving.

Good luck. And yes, GO TO THE DOCTOR.
aquamirage: Korra cuts her hair (do every stupid thing)

[personal profile] aquamirage 2016-01-02 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
you're the best around now and always
Edited 2016-01-02 02:20 (UTC)
gulliblesnail: by hiimdaisy.livejournal.com (Default)

[personal profile] gulliblesnail 2016-01-05 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I'm so sorry.